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Celebrity Sex.Jennifer Garner is definitely pregnant

Apparently, there’s much speculation over the state of Jennifer Garner’s uterus. I, on the other hand, forgot she even existed. However, I can now report a Ben Affleck sperm has indeed collided with her egg. Jennifer’s Alias co-star Victor Garber confirmed the news to Us Magazine proving his ability to keep a secret is pretty fucking weak:

“Yes, she is,” Garber - who officiated the couple’s 2005 wedding - told Us when asked if recent speculation was true that the couple is expecting.
A source adds, “She is five months pregnant. They are very happy.”

Now Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner will have something to do while they’re not acting. Christ, when’s the last time one of them was in a movie? Hold on, I just remembered Daredevil. Searing pain…. Want to die…. And, phew! Made it. Yeah, in hindsight, this is AWESOME news. They should shoot for a third one right away. Actually, you know what? Fuck it. Adopt! Just scoop some kids up from a day care and go all Brad and Angelina. I hear it’s a blast. Ha ha! Please don’t act again.